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Deathly loss this can't be real.

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
5:11 pm
New journal~~~> http://www.livejournal.com/users/faith_luna

I would really love it if the people that had added me onto their friends lists re-added me you are all so nice and I'd love it if I could keep on reading about your lives. Your poetry and your words mean such alot they are beautiful.

This new journal is friends only I've re-added all of you.

Love you all Hannah x

(Fade to black)

12:32 am - FRIENDS ONLY
title or description
Comment if you want to be added and I'll add you back XD.

This is love, this is life, this is ME


This is a friends only journal (mostly) if you want to take a look into my strange life and mindless ramblings then please feel free to comment and I shall add you :).

I love rock music, guitars, drums and most of all my friends. I put alot of trust into people these days it seems that I put too much trust in them. I love people too much at times but I also tend to hate people too much.

It's not hard to understand me but what you need to know is that I'm intitled to my rants about how bad my lifes going, and I'm aloud to be happy without people critizing me. I don't take kindly to hypocrites or liers or then again people that do things to harm other people just so they can get their own way.

This is love this is life this is ME.

My fave things include....
  • Friends.
  • Rock music.
  • Dancing.
  • Wicca.
  • Guitars.
  • Drums.
  • Candles.
  • Suggles.
  • Hugs.
  • Vanilla coke.
  • Skating.
  • Sleeping.
  • Punk Rock.
  • Alternative music.
  • Love metal.
  • My bed.
  • My journal(s).
  • My Stereo.
  • Autumn.
  • Christmas.
  • Nature.
  • Shopping.

    Life it seems, will fade away
    Drifting further every day
    Getting lost within myself
    Nothing matters no one else
    I have lost the will to live
    Simply nothing more to give
    There is nothing more for me
    Need the end to set me free

    Things are not what they used to be
    Missing one inside of me
    Deathly lost, this can't be real
    Cannot stand this hell I feel
    Emptiness is filling me
    To the point of agony
    Growing darkness taking dawn
    I was me, but now He's gone

    No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
    Now I can't think, think why I should even try

    Yesterday seems as though it never existed
    Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye


    -------------------------------------
    Peace, love and empathy.
    Hannah xx

    current mood: exhausted

    (Fade to black)

    Sunday, October 19th, 2003
    3:15 pm - But your thoughts will soon be wandering the way they always do
    Yayness two weekends of parties coming up well it depends about Jimmys, but Johns is definatly on i think its a halloween fancy dress thing. I'm gonna go as a vampire...This is my idea...A black corset top, with a short black skirt, black fish nets and hopefully my hair will be cut and dyed by then. It should be fun, Elfs coming also =D I love that girl. I'm so mellow today its nice I just want to chilax and listen to music.I smell roast dinner ick I hate that meal it makes me feel sick.
    Neways enjoy this Metallica song.
    *~~Hannah~~*
    Neways Sat nite was quite and boring god we do lead boring lives!
    Read more...Collapse )

    current mood: mellow

    (Fade to black)

    Saturday, October 18th, 2003
    5:00 pm
    Today I went shopping intentionally just for a bag I ended up with two bags a pair of DMs' a kinda blazer jacket thing some trousers and a small indian Joss stick holder with little gems on it.

    Doris was going to have a party tonight but her mum came home damn her! Now thers nothing to do on this Saterday night. I might give Gary a call soon and Lauren see if they want to do anything with anyone else or what ever.

    This weekends been a boring one, I can't stand being inside my house for too long.

    I'll eat you alive.....I'm sorry so sorry.

    Elfys back yayness I wonder if she can do anything 2nite I wonder.........mmmmmm buffalos elbows.

    Hannah xx

    current mood: ditzy

    (2 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Friday, October 17th, 2003
    10:23 pm
    Friday night in....wow thats a first for a long time....BUT look what I can do wheeee!Friday night in....wow thats a first for a long time....BUT look what I can do wheeee!Friday night in....wow thats a first for a long time....BUT look what I can do wheeee!Friday night in....wow thats a first for a long time....BUT look what I can do wheeee!

    (1 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Thursday, October 16th, 2003
    6:42 pm - So why do you leave these questions un-answered...
    td><td> </td></tr><tr><td colspan="2">Favorites</tr></td><tr><td>Type of music:</td><td>Rock. </td></tr><tr><td>Band:</td><td>Him, Staind, metallica, So Co.....etc.... </td></tr><tr><td>Food:</td><td>Pasta. </td></tr><tr><td>Thing to do:</td><td>Write lyrics. </td></tr><tr><td>Thing to say:</td><td>Snuggles ~its cute and fluffy!~ </td></tr><tr><td>Person to talk to:</td><td>My personal journal. </td></tr><tr><td>Subject in school:</td><td>It would be art if it wasn't for the scoffmaster. </td></tr><tr><td>Parent:</td><td>They're both decent, but my dad gives me more freedom. </td></tr><tr><td>Color, and why:</td><td>Dark Purple. Its mystical, warm and kinda romantic. </td></tr><tr><td>Author:</td><td>I don't have a fav. </td></tr><tr><td>Book:</td><td>A child called it :'( </td></tr><tr><td>Candy:</td><td>Bountys and double deckers. </td></tr><tr><td colspan="2">Last, just random questions and things about you.</tr></td><tr><td>Do you like yourself?:</td><td>At times. </td></tr><tr><td>What do you like about yourself?:</td><td>I'm good to talk to and I'm trustworthy (so i'm told) </td></tr><tr><td>What dont you like about yourself?:</td><td>Most things. </td></tr><tr><td>Can you play any instruments?:</td><td>Guitar. </td></tr><tr><td>Are you depressed?:</td><td>Kinda atm, not depressed just sad. </td></tr><tr><td>Have you ever been suicidal?:</td><td>Once, properly. </td></tr><tr><td>Do you do drugs?:</td><td>Only weed. </td></tr><tr><td>Do you drink alcohol?:</td><td>Too much. </td></tr><tr><td>Do you miss anyone right now? Who?:</td><td>The person who I used to be. </td></tr><tr><td>What do you want to do with your life?:</td><td>Not be confused anymore and not to regret my past anymore :'( </td></tr><tr><td>What's something you know you want to accomplish before you die?:</td><td>To be truely happy. </td></tr><tr><td>Do you think that I love you?:</td><td>No-one loves me its impossible. </td></tr><tr><td colspan="2">You best, because I do.</tr></td></table>
    Yourself brought to you by BZOINK!

    I met up with Laura and talked to her about my confusion about my life at the moment. She told me about her life and how its going, seems like we both have a few things to decide on. I hate collage so much, thers so much shit in my life atm just confusion and self-doubt. I don't know where to turn.

    Meh that explains exactly how I'm feeling.

    current mood: sad

    (6 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    9:45 am
    fav. feel good song:AFI: Girls not grey
    fav. upbeat song:Finger eleven: Falling behind
    fav. cruising song:Marilyn Manson: The fight song
    fav. love song:Something corporate: Konstantine and Jimi Hendrix: Angel
    fav. guilty pleasure song:Our lady Peace: Are you sad
    fav. tribute song:.........
    fav. song to fall asleep to:Greenday: Time of your life, Any incubus. Don't let the sun go down on me.
    fav. song from a musical:Annie : Tommorow
    fav. song from a movie:Armageddon: Don't wanna miss a thing
    fav. disney song:The lion king: Can you feel the love tonight..
    fav. song to dance to:Abba: Dancing queen.
    fav. song lyric-wise:The hardest part about having a good day is making it last also Konstantine

    music survey brought to you by BZOINK!

    (Fade to black)

    Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
    5:47 pm - Knock Knock Knocking on heaven's door.
    I'm finding my way back to sanity again
    Though I don't really know what
    I'm going to do when I get there
    Take a breath and hold on tight
    Spin around one more time
    And gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace

    I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
    Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be

    I'm looking past the shadows
    Of my mind into the truth and
    I'm trying to identify
    The voices in my head
    God which one's you?
    Let me feel one more time
    What it feels like to feel alive
    And break these calluses off of me
    One more time

    'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
    Outside your door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be

    I don't want a thing from you
    Bet you're tired of me waiting
    For the scraps to fall
    Off your table to the ground
    I just want to be here now

    'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
    Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be

    I am hanging on every word you say
    And even if you don't want to speak tonight
    That's alright, alright with me
    'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
    Outside heaven's door and listen to you breathing
    Is where I want to be

    Today was crap even worse than usual I can't stand it at that place any longer but I don't know what to do I'm at a loss. I came home today and just slept and watched finding nemo yayness thats a great film! I've been feeling really kinda blah recently not depressed but not happy, bouncy hyper me. I'm getting easily irritated at people when I have no reason to and I only want to see a few people, verrrrrry strange must be hormones or something. I dunno. Last night at d of e was okayish Sophie came (my little snuggle bum........"U want goat I give u goat" lmao) We snuggled up together coz it was freezing. Me and Laura made up which I'm really happy about I hate it when me and her arn't talking. Blah I don't know quite what to write other than I feel like absolute shit at the moment it feels like I need to cry but I have nothing to cry over, damned hormones making me feel like this.

    -----------------------------------------
    Peace, Love and Empathy.

    current mood: blah

    (Fade to black)

    Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
    5:50 pm - And the hearts always blind when its in this state of mind.....
    READ THESE

    There's a danger of getting so close to you
    there comes a time
    when the walls fade away
    and when love turns to bitter blue
    sometimes it feels like it's so hard to stay
    Last night we went to bed angry
    we didin't mean what we said
    seems we never get past forgiveness
    we try to hide, we never learn
    to swallow our pride.
    On the down side of love
    where the love turns to hate
    we just can't relate
    On the down side of love
    when you're misunderstood
    'cause when it hurts you
    it hurts you so good.
    Baby life has no guarantee
    never knowing where love's gonna lead
    even through you're a part of me
    we have to deal with our pain separately
    sometimes we both feel like victims
    with no easy way out not, no, no
    somehow we stand by each other
    when we're desperate, and drowning in
    the shadows of doubt.
    On the down side of love
    where the love turns to hate
    we just can't relate
    on the down side of love
    'cause when it hurts you
    it hurts you so good.
    The times we share the tenderness
    are the times that keep us alive
    you get in my face, you rough me up
    but baby you know
    can't hurt me 'nough, to give you up
    and make me let go
    make me let got oh no, no.
    When you're on the down side of love
    where the love turns to hare
    we just can't relate
    on the down side of love
    when you're misunderstood
    'cause when it hurts you
    it hurts you so good.
    Downside of love
    love's just a long, long road baby
    yes there's a down side of love
    stand by my side baby
    when you're on the downside of love
    No, no, no
    downside of love
    'cause it's a long, long road baby
    downside of love.


    Does this man (Richie Sambora) get any better jeeze his amaing! I can play fallen from graceland now....Yayness =D

    Anywho today was boring and dull heh its collage what can I expect! OMG my mums talkin about my driving lessons! *Blinks* Its scary I can't be trusted driving in a car I'd be a maniac driver. I saw Laura today.....Kinda but she walked away I think she saw me :( I want to talk to her but I'm not to sure if she wants to listen to me, I really do hate us not talking. D of e tonight should be ummm cold! I got some joints so hopfully it will make me a bit hyper! :p I hope Joe and Doris come..I'm missing Elfy shes run away for a week!

    A song for Matteh it gives me strength when I need it the most and I hope these lyrics will do the same for you xx

    used to be the kind of guy
    Who'd never let you look inside
    I'd smile when I was crying
    I had nothing but a life to loose
    Thought I had a lot to prove
    In my life, there's no denying

    Goodbye to all my yesterdays
    Goodbye, so long, I'm on my way

    I've had enough of cryin'
    Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
    Hear me when I say
    Gonna live my life everyday
    I'm gonna touch the sky
    And I spread these wings and fly
    I ain't here to play
    I'm gonna live my life everyday

    Change, everybody's feeling strange
    Never gonna be the same
    Makes you wonder how the world keeps turning
    Life, learning how to live my life
    Learning how to pick my fights
    Take my shots while I'm still burning

    Goodbye to all those rainy nights
    Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

    I've had enough of cryin'
    Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
    Hear me when I say
    Gonna live my life everyday
    I'm gonna touch the sky
    And I spread these wings and fly
    I ain't here to play
    I'm gonna live my life everyday
    Hit the gas, take the wheel
    I've just made myself a deal


    There ain't nothing gonna get in my way
    Everyday

    Goodbye, so long, I'm moving on

    I've had enough of cryin'
    Bleedin', sweatin', dyin'
    Hear me when I say
    Gonna live my life everyday
    I'm gonna touch the sky
    And I spread these wings and fly
    I ain't here to play
    I'm gonna live my life everyday

    I, oh I, oh I, I'm gonna live my life everyday
    I (gonna touch the sky), oh I (spread these wings and fly), oh I
    I'm gonna live my life everyday

    ---------------------------------------
    Peace, Love and empathy

    current mood: giggly

    (1 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Monday, October 13th, 2003
    6:39 pm - A song to a guy named Jon Sadler....
    get all...numb
    When she sings it's over
    Such a strange numb
    And it brings my knees to the earth

    And God bless you all
    For the song you saved us...

    You're the same...numb
    When you sing it's over
    Such a strange numb
    It could bring back peace to the earth

    So God bless you all
    For the song you saved us...oh...
    For the hearts you break, everytime you moan...

    I get all...numb
    We're the same numb
    And it brings our knees to the earth

    So God bless you all
    For the song you saved us..oh...
    For the hearts you break, everytime you moan
    And God bless you all on the earth..

    Okay dude this songs for you because I've got a feeling you like it just a tad and I just found it so here you go!

    -----------------------------------------
    Peace,love and empathy

    current mood: hopeful

    (1 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    2:10 pm - Until my soul burns in the depths of hell I shall be trapped in eternal bliss.
    Don't waste your touch
    You won't feel anything
    Or were you sent to save me?
    I've thought to much
    You won't find anything
    worthy of redeeming.

    Yo he estado aqui muchas veces antes y regreso

    to...

    BREAK DOWN!
    and cease all feeling
    BURN NOW!
    what once was breathing
    REACH OUT!
    and you may take my heart away!

    Imperfect cry
    and scream in ecstasy
    so what befalls the flawless?
    Look what i've built
    it shines so beautifully!
    now watch as it destroys me.

    Y regreso aqui otra vez y comienzo

    to...

    BREAK DOWN!
    and cease all feeling
    BURN NOW!
    what once was breathing
    REACH OUT!
    and you may take my heart away!

    BREAK DOWN!
    and cease all feeling
    BURN NOW!
    what once was breathing
    REACH OUT!
    and you may take my heart away!

    (whispers this whole part) I left it all behind and never said goodbye. I left
    it all behind and never said goodbye. I left it all behind and never said
    goodbye. I left it all to die (whisper ends)


    I saw its birth
    i watched it grow
    I felt it change me.
    i took the life
    I ate it slow
    Now it consumes me

    BREAK DOWN!
    and cease all feeling
    BURN NOW!
    what once was breathing
    REACH OUT!
    and you may take my heart away!

    BREAK DOWN!
    and cease all feeling
    BURN NOW!
    what once was breathing
    REACH OUT!
    and you may take my heart away!

    HEART AWAY!

    Afi rock!!!!!

    I'm at home today coz of my granny hip Oah well life goes on and its all back 2 collage 2mo. Doris came rnd this morning 2 look after me we ended up watching the Asian music channels and making up stoopid things that they could be singing! We had laugh at my hip and the way I have 2 walk, I think I need a zimoframe to complete my full EDNA entage!

    DORI$ is my munky munching love bunny XD.

    Love ya all Hannah x

    Oh BTW! Hampster races are the new spectators sport bet your muffins on it =p.

    ------------------------------------------------
    Peace, Love and empathy

    current mood: sore

    (1 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Sunday, October 12th, 2003
    5:10 pm
    You know your HIM good for you... i don&apos;t know too many people who do...  go spread the word! HIM deserves to be heard... love metal kicks ass... i&apos;m also guessing you draw heartagrams
    wow... you sure know your HIM, that or you guess
    real good... lol, i'm doubting that one...
    you rock... not many people i know know
    anything about HIM, or even have heard of them
    at all, you are obviously so much cooler than
    them... have fun listening to cool HIM songs
    such as "Join me"
    "Beautiful" and "Razorblade
    Kiss" (3 of my FAVE HIM songs...) and tell
    the world! HIM deserves to be heard! keep
    drawing heartagrams on stuff till people ask
    what's wrong with you!


    do you know HIM???
    brought to you by Quizilla

    (Fade to black)

    10:14 am - Why does it always rain on me...even when the sun is shining I cant avoid the lightning.
    Been down and I'm wondering why
    These little black clouds keep walking around with me, with me
    Waste time and I'd rather be high
    Think I'll walk me outside and buy a rainbow smile but be free, be all free
    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home

    I look around at a beautifiul life
    I been the upper side of down; been the inside of out but we breathe, we breathe

    I wanna a breeze and an open mind
    I wanna swim in the ocean, wanna take my time for me, it's all free

    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home

    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home
    So maybe tomorrow I'll find my way home


    Ummm yeah so.... Last night I got recked not just slightly tipsey I mean I was completly gone. Maybe thats why I was cryig so much as some of my closest friends wer saying "Put the drink down you know what vodka does to you"

    Anyways I was crying like a fucking bitch last night in a desprate attempt for some kind of escape. I had people coming up to me and hugging me and people telling me that they love me. I love them all also, its jus blah I refused to listen to anyone last night. *Huggles to Rich.B BIG huggles* Thankyou.....

    I fell over last night whilst running away from Mitch, I fell right onto my hip and now I have to walk like a retard! lol.

    Anyways Im sorry for last night.....

    xxx

    current mood: drained

    (9 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Saturday, October 11th, 2003
    10:38 am - Don't you cry tonight
    Don't Cry (Alt.)
    If we could see tomorrow
    What of your plans
    No one can live in sorrow
    Ask all your friends
    Times that you took in stride
    They're back in demand
    I was the one who's washing
    Blood off your hands

    Don't you cry tonight
    I still love you baby
    Don't you cry tonight
    Don't you cry tonight
    There's a heaven above you baby
    And don't you cry tonight

    I know the things you wanted
    They're not what you have
    With all the people talkin'
    It's drivin' you mad
    If I was standin' by you
    How would you feel
    Knowing your love's decided
    And all love is real

    An don't you cry tonight
    Don't you cry tonight
    Don't you cry tonight
    There's a heaven above you baby
    And don't you cry tonight

    I thought I could live in your world
    As years all went by
    With all the voices I've heard
    Something has died
    And when you're in need of someone
    My heart won't deny you
    So many seem so lonely
    With no one left to cry to baby

    An don't you cry tonight
    An don't you cry tonight
    An don't you cry tonight
    There's a heaven above you baby
    And don't you cry
    Don't you ever cry
    Don't you cry tonight
    Baby maybe someday
    Don't you cry
    Don't you ever cry
    Don't you cry
    Tonight

    Last night
    My mum went off to Brighton yesterday so my dad and I thought that we will get pissed and enjoy ourselves. We had wine and just laughing taling about my dads new guitar he might be getting its so perdy and he sed that I can use it......annnnnnnnyways. After the wine had gone Harry and Reace called me and asked if I wanted to go have some weed wiv them, So off I went met them and got lean....incredably so! Anyways last night was fun in a odd way! =p, Tonight me, Elf and ma dad r getting drunk then me and ELf are heading to the park piss up with everyone! Today me, elf and Dori$ are going southend looking around having a laugh. Yay for the weekend!

    Sex survey.......Be warned.

    Read more...Collapse )

    current mood: bouncy

    (Fade to black)

    Friday, October 10th, 2003
    4:15 pm
    Name:[Hannah]
    Age:[16]
    Where are you from:[*coughessexcough*]



    Favourite type of clothing:[Jeans. Black tops and ma vans.]
    Favourite type of clothing on the opposite sex:[Baggy trousers and a t-shirt (a nice band 1)]
    Favourite brand name:[I don't have a fave]
    Where do you normally shop:[Topshop, Camdons kewl, retro places in brighton.]

    Favourite film:[Armageddon, lost boys, Pulp fiction.]
    Would you recommend me seeing this film:[Hell yes all 3 of them again and again and again...]
    Last film you saw at the theater:[American pie 3]
    Last film you saw at home:[Me myself and Irene....Classic :' )]

    Favourite type of music:[Any rock/punk,grunge,alternative,metal,thrash metal, mellow rock, acid etc etc etc]
    Favourite band:[Incubus, Metallica, Something corporate, Our lady peace, staind, HIM, The darkness, the used and Afi.]
    Favourite singer:[Eric clapton, Bob dillan and John lennon (all gone but all amazing)]
    One song that is too embarrassing to tell anyone that you like it: [*Shrugs*]
    Grossest thing you have eaten:[My pancakes..eeeeek.]
    Favourite food:[Italian or CHinese]
    Favourite place to eat at:[Simply Blues or Bella Pasta in covent garden]
    Best meal you have eaten:[Spagetti carabonera in Bella pasta.]

    What is the point of having diet caffeine free coke:[No idea you can't get hyper off it!]
    Do you remember when there was clear coke:[NO!...weirdo!]
    Favourite drink:[water]
    Best drink you have made doesn't have to be alcoholic:[My hot choccies.]

    What makes you special:[I'm not]
    What is aesthetically pleasing to you:[nothing]
    Favourite type of smell:[Salon hair, Tommy girl and that linx thing smell mmmmm.]
    Do you have any special hand shake:[Hell yeah with Charlie its like a kinda dance thing also....incredably fun!]
    How do you shake someone’s hand:[Like this *holds out foot*]

    If I gave you $20 what would you do with it:[Go buy booze 4 2mo also get me and elf 2 southend]
    What should I do today:[Ring doris and c about 2nite...yay!]
    Why won't they put Dawson’s Creek back on:[I loved that show back in the day!!!!]
    Funniest thing that someone has said:[Solid??..Rockies the way 2 go lol Ok im a geek but that words just special. Also "I dont think I'd like ahouse with air conditioning"...Graham :' )]
    Funniest thing you have done:[Stoopid things wiv Doris, Lauren, Linzi, Elf and my baby Cassie.]

    If you got your mouth stuck in a tomato sauce bottle what would you do:[Laugh and call Doris, elf and Cassie to come laugh at me!]
    Have you ever laughed at someone falling over and if so was it your friend or a stranger:[LOL yeah a friend.]
    What do you think lemonade and milk taste like:[EWWWW]
    What are you thinking about:[Whats Doris' number again.]

    If you got handcuffed to a total stranger what would you do:[Scare them like anything act retarded etc!]
    What would you do if you saw a monkey in your backyard:[I'd keep it and call it Spunky.]

    (Fade to black)

    Thursday, October 9th, 2003
    9:54 pm
    Yayness I got my spineshank ticket =D. I owe Charlie £9 but I'm going I can't wait and also another good thing I got new So Co stuff its amazing. =D.

    current mood: okay

    (Fade to black)

    4:47 pm - I never planned to fade away
    Are you sad?....
    Just read the lyrics dudes.

    Your life has been so hard
    It's been dried up angels that can't keep guard
    I'm trying to reach your hand
    But I'm on fire
    I never planned to fade... away
    Stay with me
    Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing

    Are you sad?
    Are you holding yourself?
    Are you locked in your room?
    You shouldn't be...

    I'm drowning inside your head
    Help me to answer
    Help understand
    But it's been so long since we talked like friends
    Please, forgive me,
    I'm just a man
    Whose makes mistakes

    Are you sad?
    Are you holding yourself?
    Are you locked in your room?
    You shouldn't be...

    The day...Not much to say apart from collage really does suck donkey dick. Charlie feels the same way kinda, I want to hang in there and keep going eventually get my A levels and hopefully go to university and study journalism...But it seems such a long way away. I dunno what to do. I can't wait until the weekend getting pissed for definate on sat and Elfs staying over, Its a big piss up so it should be fun =), Tomorrow night I'm getting pissed with my dad and maybe going to Doris's after (depending on her mum). Anyways some aspects of life really do suck but then again some bits are good. Its hard to concentrate on the good bits when the bad are lingering in your mind, meh. Oh well not much to put, I need a fag but I havn't got ne :'( NOOOO! Oh well I'll survive.

    Faith x

    current mood: sad

    (Fade to black)

    Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
    10:20 pm - Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there with open arms and open eyes.
    Pardon Me
    A decade ago
    I never thought I would be
    At twenty three
    On the verge of spontaneous combustion
    Woe-is-me
    But I guess that it comes With the territory
    An ominous landscape of never ending calamity
    I need you to hear
    I need you to see
    That I have had all I can take
    And exploding seems like
    A definite possibility to me

    So pardon me while I burst into flames
    I've had enough of the world
    And it's people's mindless games
    So pardon me while I burn
    And rise above the flame
    Pardon me, pardon me
    I'll never be the same

    Not two days ago
    I was having a look
    In a book and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees
    I said, "I can relate,"
    Cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from
    The burdens of the planet earth
    Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D
    And thinking so much differently

    So pardon me while I burst into flames
    I've had enough of the world
    And it's people's mindless games
    So pardon me while I burn
    And rise above the flame
    Pardon me, pardon me
    I'll never be the same

    Spent alot of time listening to incubus tonight, listening deep into their lyrics and realising again just how amazing they are and how much meaning each of their songs hold....Apart from maybe magic medicene =s. "One this page we see a little girl giggling at a hippopotomus I wonder why" I love it! Anyways tonights been really shitty and I mean reallllllly shitty. I wish I could make everything better I sit and I think and I ponder over what I have made of my life. 16 years of age and feeling like complete shit, wern't these s'posed to be the best days of our lives? "We are so young waiting for this moment to come, but already we are considering escape from this world"...The one and only HIM.

    I went up to Hadleigh castle tonight and watched the lights flicker over in Kent and good old canvay (pikey ville). Going to a place like that where the wind blows fresh and clear really helps clear my brain with a really beautiful sunset this evening as well :).

    Anyways collage sucks major arse i want to quit and I dunno, Im so confused at the moment.....

    I love Elffffffffffy, cassssssssssssie And Dori$, So much.

    Anyways two good things my family's being really awsome to me atm, and Will won Mr personality...yayness Oh god I'm such a geek oh well I'll live through it.

    Faith x

    current mood: sad

    (Fade to black)

    Monday, October 6th, 2003
    7:27 pm - I wanna know i wanna know now...Is this love that I'm feeling
    There was absolutly no point in going into collage today! I had no teacher for two of my lessons so Me, Doris, Cassie and Elf decided to go into southend. We had some lunch and just wondered around Cass and Elf brought clothes and shoes that made them look sexy and moi et Doris just mucked about and acted retarded as per usual! Me and Cass went to have a look at simply magick but it was closed damn them! We've decided to start up our own coven. So yayness for that!

    Me and Sarah went dancing it was beautiful I love dancing so much.
    Anyways...I'm feeling happy today I think its due to my amazing friends.

    *Doris* I love you boo boo and shall always be here for you XD.

    *Graham* You funky peice of meat you are THE DUDE

    *Cassie* I can't wait to get into our coven =D I love you loads and your mad ways.

    *Elfy* Chris.P aka Cunt... You are so much better than him your my star and always will be. You have so much to offer people eeeeek I can't find the words your just simply amazing and I wove wu.

    Just some random notes to people who I've chatted to today and they lifted up ma spirits. Also to Sarah *your my sunshine my only sunshine u make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear how much I love you so don't take my sunshine away*

    Anyways I got my 2 bags of weed today for a fiver.....Bargin :D

    Love u all xxxxxxxxx

    current mood: grateful

    (6 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

    Sunday, October 5th, 2003
    8:45 pm

    The weekend



    Friday night
  • My girlies came round (Doris elf and cassie). We went out to tiplers got our alcohol, headed to safeways to get our munchies.

  • We went to the country park and cracked open the bottles and I lit the dube. We passed it around our little circle enjoying hand bongs. After we wer all pretty gone!

  • We danced around Cassies phone listening to club music dancing and acting like complete retards...Excellant Ted!

  • We decided to go on a wonder and we ended up in shipwrights park smoking and drinking and having complete laugh watching Doris rollaroud on the floor. LMAO. We went to knock for Sam but he wasn't in then Coke bt he was at the cinema. Anyways we went to runnymeade to see if Ad *phoar* Cobes was ther...No such luck *sob sob*.

  • Then we went to Rowleys but he was tired and irratable, we walked Cassie home I finished my vodka and we attempted to walk to meet my brother to get more weed. By the time that we got ther he was wasted as was his friend Rease.

  • We walked all the way back to mine (missions) we got in and collapsed anyways that was my Friday awsome night.

    Saterday...the day of great shopping!
    Me and Doris went shopping on sat I got....
  • Three sexy tops.

  • Seven pairs of extremly kinky underwear.

  • Loads of earings and accesories.

  • A hat...Its so cute :' )

  • Also a Gene hackman coaster thing...Don't ask why she just looked sexy!


  • <td>Sunday
    I met up with Laura and Sarah and we went shopping (Yes more shopping!) Laura got a really nice coat...mmmm snuggley! and I got yet again another top...its kinda Corsetty and black with black lace down the middle just very sexy! I saw this adorable Raa Raa skirt its different kinda like the 1s Doris likes...but different if ya get me :s. Anyways Lau treated me 2 lunch then we went back to hers and just relaxed. It was great too see her even though things got a bit.....ummm weird after something..meh nm.</td>

    All in all the weekend has been a complete blast. Now its time to go back to the 6th form and recover just in time for next weekend!


    Kitten: I love you and I always will xxxxx

    current mood: flirty

    (4 Surrounded by darkness | Fade to black)

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